just tell him i said nine months
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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