Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
