STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
