im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
