When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
