in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i think i have herpe
just one?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
