Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
