I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
