Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
