I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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