I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
