even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
