remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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