im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
