And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
