i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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