K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize