GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I came so hard my ears popped.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
