recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
