This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
