how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
