Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
