the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
