Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
