Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
