So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize