I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
