I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
