she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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