you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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