Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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