She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
