i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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