Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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