you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
