This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
