WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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