Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
