i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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