I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize