just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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