That's when you crack a 10am beer
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
