It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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