I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
