Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
