I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
