how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
