i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
