it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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