i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
