Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
