Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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