How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
