Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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