Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
