actually, I'm a sock model
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
