I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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