she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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