Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
