I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
