Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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