The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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