I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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