My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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