You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
