Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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