I can't watch pbs sober anymore
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
