Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
